You only struggle because you’re ready to grow but aren’t willing to let go.
~Drew Gerald
Whenever I am at a crossroads, big or small, I am compelled to change up my living space. It could be something simple: clean out drawers, do a deep clean, and, one of my favorites, rearrange furniture or artwork.
That’s what I did this week. One of the framed pieces that I chose to move is large, heavy, and old. And I dropped it. The frame cracked- hopefully not irreparable- but the glass shattered. Of course, I had a few moments of what the !@???, but then carefully pulled the glass shards out of the frame and cleaned up the mess. As I carefully discarded the glass, I realized that moving forward often requires letting go of what was. Thankfully, the actual artwork was not harmed. That same day, I also gave away a piece of furniture I had had for more than 30 years.
In recent years, I have wanted to replace the cabinet. I thought paint might compel me to keep it, but that day I decided it needed to go. I took a photo, sent it to a friend, and she loved it, so within hours I put it in my truck and delivered it to her home. The next day, she sent photos saying it completed her office. There is a time and place for everything. Energetically, the cabinet gave me all I had needed from it, and it was ready for a new life.
I was pleased when I reflected on my reaction to the broken glass. In the past, this would upset me. Now, I take it in stride. No sense spending energy lamenting something that has passed.
That appears to be the theme in my world right now. Examples are everywhere of how the past is the past. Recently, I competed in a 100-mile endurance race with my horse. We made it to 55 miles, and the vets pulled us. Some friends were saddened or emotional that I didn’t finish. Of course, there’s a momentary feeling when you are told you cannot go any further, yet I walked away from the event happy that my mare did well; I got to see a beautiful trail, and my crew was elite. I had a fantastic day.
This was in direct contrast to the very first time I was pulled from a race, and it happened at this same race. I was devastated. I cried; I was embarrassed I didn’t finish. I could barely function for weeks, ashamed. 30 years later, with many successes and non-completions, the outcome is no longer the priority. The journey, the training, the time spent in nature with my horse, and the overall experience all hold equal value. I learned to see a non-completion not as a direct affront to me as a rider, but as part of being a competitive athlete. Getting to the start is often the win.
There are times in life for gathering and other times for stillness, and I continue to circulate through phases of letting go. Relationships alter; some disappear. Others change. Things are just that: things; some are still useful, others have outlived their usefulness. Yet all of it is as it is supposed to be. Accepting what is, isn’t emotionless; it’s about not letting emotions or attachments regulate reality.
Maybe I keep circling back to my living space at crossroads because it gives me dimension. Clearing a shelf or moving a frame is a small physical way of asking what still belongs and what doesn’t. Some things break in the process; some things get given away. Neither is a failure; they are just part of making room. I’m learning that the goal was never to hold on to everything or even to finish everything. It is to be fully in it while it’s happening and to let it go with as much grace as I can manage when it’s done. On we go.
Endings create space for better beginnings.
~unknown
