The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is. ~Alan Watts
In the ’80s, I lived in NYC and worked in the fashion industry at a high-pressure job. I was overworked, unhappily married, and in need of an escape. I had found myself living a life that did not resonate with my true self. Wanting to rediscover my yoga practice, learn a new language, and explore the next phase of my journey, I cut all ties, packed my bags, and moved to Paris.
Forty years ago, yoga was not as mainstream as it is now, but I managed to find a studio. As a novice French speaker, I lacked the confidence to ask questions, so I followed the lead of the other students and quietly entered the studio, sitting in Sukhasana ( crossed-legged). I closed my eyes.
I could hear as more students entered, and I sensed the teacher had arrived. With our eyes remaining closed, he instructed us to begin class with 3 Om Shanti’s (an opening chant).
On completion of the chant, we opened our eyes, and mine met with the magnetism of the teacher, a young man sitting directly in front of me. The thought that crossed my mind was, ‘I cannot have sex with my yoga teacher.’
As we moved through the postures, the teacher, let’s call him G, would come close to whisper an adjustment to me, and my blood would rise. Suffice it to say we spent the six months together.
Growing up when Make Love, Not War posters were everywhere, sex was not dirty nor shameful, it was beautiful. Pre HIV, fear was not in our consciousness; sex could not kill you, so we experimented freely. There was an innocence in the exploration of our bodies. I am fortunate to have had a positive and lovely introduction to the world of sexuality.
Even as a teen, I had been interested in the deeper realms of sex. I read the Kama Sutra, and my mother gave me The Sensuous Woman. To be fair, she also gave my brother The Sensuous Man. My mom was very open-minded and ahead of her time.
So when G shared with me, he had studied the Taoist philosophy of sex while in India, I was intrigued. Even though I had experimented with some Taoist techniques on my own, I did not grasp the intricacies of spiritual sexuality.
I did not understand that surrender was the key, and to surrender, you needed to trust.
How I was able to trust a man I barely knew, came down to my willingness to explore my boundaries. And those boundaries could only be discovered if I believed. It was a catch 22, but I was game.
We ate, drank, slept, practiced pranayama (breathing techniques), meditation, yoga, and sex.
Gone was the wham bam thank you, mam, and going for the climax, instead it was endless foreplay, with tantalizing interludes for hours and days.
Talk about getting high on life, countless orgasms, each taking us higher and higher, it was as if we were living in a world where time ceased to exist.
It is said you can reach Nirvana or enlightenment through conscious lovemaking, and we were experiencing glimpses of it, a level of connection to a higher realm which transported us out of our bodies.
As in any asana ( yoga pose), you can do too little or you can do too much. The subtle body moves deeper in the posture as the breath releases and the mind moves aside. The similarities between yoga and sex were uncanny.
The art of surrender became my mantra. When I tried to control or do too much, I was guided to do less. Our bodies were entwined, yet instead of a rigorous exertion, it transcended into almost imperceptible movement, just the surrender of our bodies into each other. The control he exhibited of his manhood and eventually the learned control of my womanness, we could gaze into each other’s eyes, synchronize our breath and go to the moon and back. It became our private joke; I should have been an astronaut because I was leaving the planet so often.
I had conflated the concept between relaxation and surrender. Once I was able to let go of my preconceived ideas and limiting mind, I came to understand the release of rigidity into the softness of surrender.
It is in this state of bliss that the essence of my practice was revealed to me.
The connection between surrender during our sexual exploration and my yoga practice was one and the same. The balance between effort and release unlocked the doors to the deeper realms of my consciousness.
Yoga is a dance between control and surrender – Between pushing and letting go – and when to push and to let go becomes part of the creative process, part of the open-ended exploration of your well being. ~ Joel Kramer
As intoxicating as it was, my time in Paris came to an end. It was time to return to the world from whence I came, moving back to the states.
In my time with G, I gained a deep understanding of how important it was to let go. The Let Go became my cornerstone philosophy. To surrender is the ultimate Let Go.
“Yoga does not just change the way we see things, it transforms the person who sees.” ~B.K.S.Iyengar
