Single by Choice or Flying Solo.

Are you married? Do you have kids? Are you dating? Aren’t you afraid to live alone? Don’t you get lonely?

Those are the questions I am most frequently asked upon meeting new people, primarily upon meeting women who are not single.

Being a single woman is an age-old stigma, even though single people in the US are growing faster than those married, which has continued uninterrupted since 1960, with singles outnumbering married adults. Women account for 53%. Surprisingly, the happy alone feeling single women emit in the midst of couples gathering is perceived as a threat.

Is the stereotype so deeply rooted in the psyches of other women they think because a woman is single, she is desperate to steal away another’s mate? Or is it tied to our primordial nature?

To those women, I caution. We create what we think. We attract to us most what we fear. So ladies, please be aware our thoughts are powerful and integral in creating the life we are living.

My latest stretch of singlehood has been going on for 10 years.
It has been wonderful. It is not always easy. However, my growth has been immeasurable.

The first step in growth came when I admitted to myself the truth of the relationship I was in… It was fine.

Just fine. Not great, not bad, but just fine.

I was not unhappy, although I had unhappy times; what I wasn’t was deeply and authentically happy within myself. If I could draw a picture of it, it would be in the form of a straight line, like on an EKG machine.

At 50ish, my window of opportunity opened. I decided to end my 11+ year just fine relationship, leaping to fly solo.  I knew I was too young to stay in a just fine status and old enough to realize it.

The alone time was just what I needed to look inside and examine what was going on. It was like looking in a 3-way mirror with fluorescent lights, trying on swimwear in the winter, carrying your winter weight with no place to hide. Horrifying.

There was no blame on him. He was who he was.

The responsibility was all mine. Responsibility is our ability to respond.  And I was responding by taking charge of my own life. Diving in headfirst, I went to the bottom of the core issues preventing me from becoming more.  Letting go of patterns and beliefs which were limiting my growth was my goal.

By soul searching and looking at myself with honest eyes, I understood why I continued to make the same choices and compromises I had repeatedly made.

Things I’ve Learned Being Single

1) Happiness comes from within. Once you realize that, the happier you will become.

2) To alter the way we behave, we must identify the core belief that has caused that behavior. If we are unwilling to look at the root cause, it is just putting a bandaid on a festering wound.

3) To attract what we want, we need first to become it. If you want to find great love, then first, you must greatly love yourself.

4) Once we are complete ourselves, we will no longer look for a partner to complete us. Instead, we will attract a partner to compliment us.

5) To be happy, everything does not have to be perfect.  Find pleasure and joy in the small things.

6) Be passionate about everything that interests you.

7) Learn to listen to your intuition; it is never wrong.  Keep the speaker in full volume and your eyes wide open.

8) There are no mistakes, just lessons.

And it takes…

8) Practice, Practice, Practice. The Universe will continually challenge us.

For me, being single is a gift, a rebirth to a greater me. I continue to revel in my singlehood and encourage those who are single and unhappy to understand what an incredible opportunity is at hand during this time.

I will leave you with this.

“Single women are healthier and happier than ever before, with slimmer waistlines and overall feeling of well being.”