If you are upset with another’s words towards you; be cautious of your reactions, for you are only meant to be a sounding-board for his soul
― Jeremy Aldana

The words we use may have more impact on others than we realize, and it has nothing to do with us.

We hear, then interpret the words, processing them through filters in our brains based on our experience. So while some words trigger feel-good emotions, others do the opposite.

For example, the first time I was referred to as a babe in a new relationship, I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise. I was not a fan of the word, it felt juvenile or condescending, yet my friends did not feel the same way. On the contrary, most liked it and thought it was fun, sexy, and loving. So, I looked at my reaction and decided to sit with it, remove past negatives and see where I landed.

After the mindset reset, it made me smile. I found ease with the word. My discomfort transformed into comfort. Instead of disingenuous, it felt natural.

It’s funny how words can affect us. Do we like the word? Do we see ourselves fitting that description?

Understanding someone’s description or observation of us is theirs. It is how they see us. It’s their interpretation and their experience of the term. So if it is a remark we can relate to and agree with, it is good. But how about those words that are not?

Many comments used to describe me make me proud. Words such as kind, strong, intelligent, generous, and open, to name a few, but then there are ones that make me pause, feeling like they don’t see me the way I see myself.

Sweet. Oh, the namby-pamby, vanilla, bland way of describing a person. Professionally: To be considered precious means you are appreciated but viewed as not necessarily powerful or accomplished. For me, sweet fits next to adorable and describes puppies and kittens. So why would someone choose that word for me? The person who recently called me sweet qualified her statement: We need more sweetness in the world.

Wow- yes, we do. By observing my reaction to the word and taking accountability, I understood it was strictly my baggage and ability to respond. It was in no way meant as a slur.

My eyes, instead, opened to the delight in the word. As time passed, my tolerance for sweet grew, noticing that I use the term more often and recognizing how much a fan I have become of it.

To open our ears to hearing also requires opening our minds to listening beyond words and, most importantly, recognizing our reactions to what we hear.

Just as our other senses of taste, smell, and sight can trick us into believing a different reality, hearing can also. For example, when we bite into a strawberry and remember picking strawberries with our grandmother. Likewise, we smell something that reminds us of something long passed and transported us to another time. What we hear can also transport us to incidents, good and bad. Because of these experiences, we may misinterpret the speaker’s intention. Yet, the response-ability lies only in our hands.

Experiencing language through the ears of those who have learned English as a second language is also mind-expanding. Often their translations bring details or interpretations more accurate and revealing than imagined. It also teaches tolerance for differences and cautions not to be so quick to overreact. One example is that of the term, a blessing in disguise. A friend thought the sentiment was a blessing in the sky, which I found enchanting and equally accurate.

To hear deeply, we must initiate our entire body to listen. Gut feelings, the words between the lines, and the tone of the voice are indicators of what is said. The most crucial factor is gauging our reactions to past unresolved feelings, then taking control and commanding our responses.

As with all practices of the let go, awareness of the areas in our life which become triggered are the areas that need the most attention. It takes work to be conscious, and taking charge of our reactions is our greatest tool. So either graciously receive the words that come or let them go.

Words spoken by others are not a reflection of who we are. Contrary, they reveal more about the person that has spoken. As the receiver, our part only requires us to do inner housekeeping by letting go of those outdated catalysts that no longer serve us and the hurts or hot spots that get triggered.

Kindergarten had it right; sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me. Let us not forget we have ultimate control over our feelings, so don’t let others color them.

“A seemingly sudden reaction is just the last act in an invisible emotional chain.”
― Luigina Sgarro