Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.
~Viktor Frankl
Everything that has happened to us leaves a mark, but it doesn’t have to leave a hold. Those events created emotional triggers that are a part of us- old wounds we have learned to mistake for present-day facts. When we understand that, we can begin to let go of their grip. This is the awakening: realizing everything that has happened in our lives adds color to who we are, and that leaving behind the hurts and the perceived injustices we have carried with us, learning to unlearn, what was, is how we change.
Emotional triggers are anything that makes us uncomfortable. They can affect us to varying degrees, yet regardless of the level, they indicate areas in our own lives where we have work to do. What they reveal is what we are unsatisfied with or lack in some way. The triggers are internal wounds.
When we heal the initial trauma or false belief of what was, it will set us free.
It is essential to identify these areas that elicit a negative emotional response and to be aware that what is triggered has nothing to do with the person or situation that triggered it. Instead, they are the messengers that reveal to us the unhealed parts of who we are.
Just as Hans Selye aptly says, “It’s not stress that kills us; it is our reaction to it.”
We can begin letting go by first narrowing down the areas that rile us up.
Identify the areas of your life that trigger you. For example, is it about your self-image, financial success, self-esteem, worthiness, or something else?
Was there body shaming or words that told you you were not worthy or deserving? Did your parents’ views on money overshadow your desire to succeed? Did social conditioning confine you to a life you don’t desire? And when confronted with ideas or people who embody them, do they trigger you?
So, when we feel the first signs of a trigger reaction, take a pause. As you feel your blood boiling, your chest tightening, and your anxiety rising, take a breath. Count to 10. Take 3 deep inhales and 3 slow exhales. Walk away. Tell yourself this is a trigger, and thank the situation for allowing you to see it.
In that pause, there’s a quiet but powerful question worth asking. Is this happening to me right now, or am I reliving something that already ended? Most of the time, it’s the second one; the original moment is over. What remains is our own narrative about it still running. Seeing that gap between what actually happened and the story we keep telling ourselves about it is often the first real crack of light
Once you are calm, write it down. Be as descriptive as possible. Can you identify feeling this way before? What emotions did you feel? In what part of your body did you feel the tension? Become a time-traveler; go back into your memories to find where you first heard the beliefs that formed your feelings.
It’s easy to tell someone not to be so sensitive when it’s not your trigger, yet the person with the sensitivity is usually unaware of why they’re reacting the way they are. Their pain is real, and it deserves compassion, including from themselves. The goal isn’t to dismiss the hurt as just an opinion; it is to notice that the opinion is something we have the power to revise even when the original wound was real and not our fault.
This is why it is vital to do our work. Dig deep to identify the situations or beliefs that trigger unwanted emotional reactions.
This begins the healing.
We know when we are healed when we no longer have an emotional response to things that once were. So how do we get there?
It begins with a reset, a reprogramming of what we learned as children and young adults. After that, learning can be unlearned; it only takes the desire to change the coding. We cannot simply let go of triggers without replacing them with something else. Choosing to act with a high vibrational frequency is paramount to change. The more conscious we become, the desire to use words and attitudes that continue to raise our frequencies becomes our way of being.
Part of that consciousness is recognizing when we are gripping the drama of a reaction rather than the reaction itself. Feeling a flash of hurt is human and involuntary. Staying in it: replaying it, rehashing the argument, keeping that old wound freshly opened is something we do. And when we can see that we are doing it, we’ve already found the handle to let it go. Releasing the grip isn’t pretending the original pain doesn’t matter. It’s deciding that carrying it forward no longer serves us.
Recognize and acknowledge the trigger; then replace it with something positive. For example, “I was never loved as a child” becomes “I am blessed to have loving friends and family in my life.”
And you can fake it; act as if you are not triggered. Eventually, as you continue to explore where your internal hurts lie, your emotions will follow and become less reactive. Live your emotional life as if it is the one you always wanted.
Take the time that it takes, however long that is. Grief has no expiration date. Understand triggers are an opportunity to heal. Begin by cultivating self-love and inner kindness on this human journey of spiritual exploration. If needed, find a professional who can assist you in identifying your traumas and a method to let them go.
We cannot change the mark the past has left on us. But we can change whether we let it keep its hold. Every trigger is an old wound mistaken as a present-day fact, and the moment we see it for what it is, we are free to set it down. That is how we change; not by rewriting or ignoring what happened, but by finally releasing our grip on the story we kept telling about it. It starts now, with the desire for more.
It is worth remembering the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.
~ Dalai Lama
