To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

~ Oscar Wilde

When asked why I did not write about relationships, I thought, but I do. Everything I write is about ‘relationships.’ Not in the traditional sense of couples or coupleship, but every interaction is related to something or someone. So I pondered, and here’s what emerged.

We are connected to all things: friends, family, coworkers, animals, nature, the world, and ourselves. Being a part of a couple is just one more.

Yet coupleships are the ones people most often ask about, as if they hold a higher status than the other ‘ships.’

In my astrological chart, I have no planets in the relationship house. In practical terms, this translates to: I don’t receive any guidance from the stars. That doesn’t mean I can’t have a good coupleship; I have been in several. It just means I’ve had to learn how to navigate them.

Often, what attracts us to a relationship is our symbiotic needs. I need this. I need that. I need security. I need a companion. I need a sanctuary. We come together because it ideally fulfills the needs of both parties.

Regardless of the interaction’s specificity, the core of who we are remains static. Who we are essentially remains the same. Yet society’s pressure to be in a couple can cause profound shifts within us, altering how we interact.

This alteration is evidenced by how our work persona can differ from our at-home one.

But why?

Society has brainwashed us to be a couple. We believe what we have been told; we are stronger together; we have someone to care for us and create a family structure. These are all true.

Yet higher expectations are often placed on our love relationships, along with an element of compromise.

Yes, compromise is a necessary part of life.

But if being in a couple alters the core of who we are, and the pressure to stay together creates discord to keep our partners and society happy, it goes against the reason we entered the relationship in the first place. It is a signal: it is time to realign our choices.

I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together is an antiquated belief system. I am not insinuating to jump ship the moment things get hard. Instead, I am suggesting that when we sacrifice our well-being, physically, mentally, or spiritually, because we believe it will keep our relationship alive, it is ultimately our demise.

The world is changing, and with it, what family units look like. The stigma around singlehood is lifting, and the focus is shifting toward self-development, whether or not we are attached to another or not.

Relationships of all kinds are necessary for the growth of the human spirit. Yet, the primary relationship with ourselves is vital, becoming the foundation for all others.

They all serve as mirrors, reflecting what we put forth. These reflections remind us that who we see is who we are.

Understanding of self can be gleaned from how life unfolds around us. If each of our relationships, even brief encounters, brings disharmony, it indicates our connection to self is in discord. What we put into the world will return to us.

Dynamics in all communication mirror the beliefs we have been taught. However, coupleships may reflect the most deeply.

While in a coupleship, one such belief I could examine was my fear of vulnerability. Once identified, I asked myself, through conscious choice, where my fear had originated.

Coming to us through family, peers, culture, society, and, often, circumstance, we outgrow many of the tenets we were taught to live by. Beliefs are put in place to serve us; once they no longer do, we can let them go. I could release it by unearthing why I held onto an old belief that attracted specific energies.

Without the world’s reflection of who we are, we would exist in a bubble. We can make adjustments guided by what we see. The effects our thoughts have on our lives change as we outgrow behaviors.

We are one element, one piece of the complicated wheel that creates every nuance in the world. Our relationships with everything are essential. One ‘ship’ does not hold status over the next.

Just as each cell in our bodies holds importance to the greater whole, so does our movement through life—creating relationships in harmony with all, beginning with ourselves.

We can only fulfill the spiritual journey of this very human experience through deep self-examination. Are you ready for the adventure to begin?

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.

~ Rupi Kaur