In a crowded marketplace, fitting in is a failure. In a busy marketplace, not standing out is the same as being invisible.
~Seth Godin
Two cats in the yard, white picket fence, college degree(s), married to the right partner with 2.2 children, XX dollars in the bank. The right car, the right house, the right clothes, the right friends, and, and, and, and.
Why do we think our whole life needs to line up so succinctly? Why does it have to match the norm?
I grew up a little outside of the box. I wasn’t white, but I wasn’t Japanese. I was Eurasian, and so few even knew what that was. My parents didn’t have regular jobs; they worked for themselves. Our home had cool stuff in it, a carved wooden Buddha on the antique sea captain’s chest. A Turkish lamp. One of our homes had a purple front door. My father drew an almost full-sized charcoal drawing of my mother nude, which was prominently displayed in their room. These expressions of design aligned with the unconventional mindset of my upbringing.
My brother and I were encouraged to live our lives following our own passions.
When I was 8 years old, my father sold our home and bought a sailboat in Europe, then planned to meet us in Majorca. We would then sail for an uncertain amount of time, or until our money ran out, I think. When he met us in Majorica, he had bad news: the boat had sunk with a broken mast, along with the bulk of his resources.
With plans upended, we traveled from Majorica up through Italy and France to England, where we landed for a while. There was a feeling of misalignment, not fitting in for my brother and me, yet ultimately, it is what shaped us into who we are. When one does not fit in, when the template is misaligned, there can be an emotional toll; yet, I don’t recall that being a barrier as kids. Instead, it was a source of creativity and freedom.
Societal norms were not a deterrent for my parents to marry, which contributed to the fluidity of our upbringing. Consequently, both my brother and I chose, perhaps subconsciously, to continue a lineage of self-invention.
Our parents’ choices shape our relationship with structure, as well as our approach to spontaneity. Yet, because of this or the absence of it, it does not hinder us from making decisions that are different. Despite our roots, we have the power to navigate our lives in a manner suited to our becoming.
The desire to fit in, to match up, is a survival mechanism. Strength in numbers. It’s a normal yearning. What if we altered our thoughts and instead of belonging requiring sameness, it was found in resonance? Being Eurasian gave me an understanding of inclusion, rather than relying on visible traits of belonging. It required delving deeper into energetic truths.
The subtle, unspoken realities that echo beneath the surface of words and actions are the energies that truly matter.
They are felt; they are the frequencies that connect us to truths.
They resonate with authenticity, even though they may rebel against convention.
Letting go comes in many forms; one is in defying what logic, convention, or doctrine we always knew to be true. Yet letting go is not about having less. It is creating space for more. When we let go of those words and thoughts we have believed were correct and instead open ourselves to the quiet knowingness of energetic truth and intuition, we have a world of more.
Those feelings we get when someone says they are fine, but their energy contradicts their words, or when a word is said, even if it is technically kind, but the energy surrounding it makes it sharp or empty. These pulses behind the facade are the truths.
Intuition does not require proof. When something is right for you, you feel it in your breath, your body, and your being. It signals us when something looks right, but feels off. These energetic truths, this intuition, are the compass that guides us.
This is the alignment we search for. This is the fitting in that we crave. This is coming home to what feels real, which is what it’s all about.
Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.
~Stephen Hawking
