Horses are my teachers. They do not lie, and how we interact with them does not either. They are a sound reflection of our state of being. Whether you are a seasoned horse person or someone around them for the first time, your true nature will always show.
A horse can read you like a crystal ball, even if you try to fake your feelings. So you cannot hide from the truth of who you are.
Horses create varying reactions: fear, intimidation, awe, trust, and anxiety. Our responses to them telegraph what lurks below the surface of what we project to the world.
Just as being in an emergency or disaster will show us aspects of who we are, our interactions with a horse reveal our core approach to life. When challenged or confronted, do you put up your fists, rush to the front line, resist, or become paralyzed?
Show me how you interact with a horse, I will tell you who you are.
It is a common belief a dog can smell fear. A horse has an equal skill of perception. Their lives depend on their ability to read their environment. As prey animals, horses are hyper-sensitive. With the sensitivity to feel a single fly on their back, they can feel every nuance in our bodies, physically, emotionally, consciously, and subconsciously.
All interaction in life is about communication, with actions speaking louder than words. Therefore, when speaking in a language horses can understand, nonverbal communication is the first thing we need to learn.
Horses telegraph their intent through body language. The flick of an ear, a look in the eye, the neck’s position, and the hunch of the back all communicate their aims.
Humans are deceptive in our communication skills. For example, we may say one thing, but our physical expression may differ from our verbal explanation. Yet, effective interspecies interaction begins with non-verbal intelligence.
Learning to be precise through physical expression comes from understanding who we are.
A common complaint with riders is the horse is not responding to my cues. This is the first indicator that the lines are not precise.
Riders often blame the horse for doing the wrong thing. A world-renowned trainer, Tom Dorrance, disagrees, saying There are no bad horses, just imperfect humans. Because of a horse’s hyper-awareness, mixed messages confuse them making them reactive.
We blame the horse for being headstrong, inadequately trained, and stupid, yet we, the rider, failed to communicate clearly. When we are definitive about what we are asking for, the results come back to us with clarity.
Taking the lessons in communication I learned from horses taught me to be a better teacher. If my verbal instructions were not implemented, I knew I was not explaining it in a language my students could understand.
One of my riding students was a very successful, wealthy businesswoman. She was small in stature yet confident in life, used to getting her way. Yet, she was insecure about her inability to ride. Her insecurity was expressed through the dominance she tried to exert over the horse. Just as she moved through life, deligating and commanding her subordinates, she thought she could use the same tactics with a 1000 lbs horse. And it was backfiring.
When I asked her to refrain from manhandling the horse, she argued with me, denying she was doing it at all, then acquiesced, justifying she had to stay in control. Those words revealed who she was.
After explaining why sending confusing signals was ineffective in yielding the desired response, I realized I was doing the same thing. I needed to communicate in a language she could understand.
Knowing she was a tango dancer, I used her language. I connected the idea of the subtle suppleness needed to feel her partner’s cues, not too rigid or limp, and she got it before I had even finished creating the visual for her. She relaxed, the horse relaxed, and I could breathe.
She could let go of her resistance to me, which was resistance within herself.
This rider showed me who she was by how she wanted to manhandle the horse, how she argued with me, and, ultimately, how she gave in and learned. I have no judgment of how she reacted; it was just a guide for me to figure out how to best communicate with her.
We are confronted daily with people who show us who they are. We cannot change them. We can only adjust how we interact. Our reactions in life are often mixed messages, and until we can become clear within ourselves, we will not yield the results we yearn for. Letting go of seeing things through only one lens will open up a world of endless possibilities.
