Humans are complicated. We have “each other’s back” but not always, because sometimes “it’s every man for himself.” Why does “misery love company,” or is why we like it when “everyone is in the same boat”?
When I came upon this story about crabs, it occurred to me we are not dissimilar to crustaceans.
Fishermen use crabs as bait. If you put crabs in a bucket, you don’t need to put a lid on it. They will stay piled upon each other at the bottom of the bucket. On occasion, one starts to make a break attempting to climb up the side of the bucket; the others will grab hold and pull him back down. It is the nature of the collective consciousness of the crabs. Perhaps it is a “safety in numbers” mentality. Or don’t venture out to the unknown; it is dangerous. It is also the epitome of “if I can’t have it, neither can you.”
Conversely, if only one crab is in the bucket, There must be a lid on the bucket. Otherwise, the solitary crab will climb up and out of the bucket, searching for freedom. Is the survival instinct stronger when one is solo?
From a young age, we learn to fit in, not to rock the boat. To be boastful or to take all of the credit were unfavorable traits. And yet to make it, we needed to stand out. We are rewarded for being the star athlete or the poster child, and for excelling in school was necessary to get into a good college; to make future life connections. Then, as we entered the workforce, we were encouraged to stand out, bring attention to our accomplishments and strengths, and get the promotion, proving we were irreplaceable.
And yet balance was needed not to become alienated from our coworkers. Even if a part of us stood out, we needed to somehow still fit in; yes, we are complicated, because all of the above can hold true.
Most of us have experienced the bucket of crabs syndrome at some point in our lives. What’s tricky about it is the complication of being human. It is not simply about survival as it is for the crabs. We also have human relationships to maneuver.
Knowingly or not, families, friends, peers, and teachers can squash our dreams and clip our wings.
Or at least attempt to.
A story comes to mind when I first entered high school. Before I was a freshman, I had decided I wanted to graduate a year early. During orientation, I went to the counselor I had been assigned and told him what I wanted to do. He responded to me with reasons I shouldn’t or couldn’t, and he wouldn’t help me with my plan.
I walked out of his office ( I may have shouted something at him, being the hormonal teenager I was) and walked across the hall to another counselor, Mr. Goulet. He looked calm, had a beard, and when I walked into his office, he had heard my words from across the hall; he looked up and asked what he could help me with.
I explained I wanted to graduate a year early. He said, ok. He didn’t ask why but told me I needed a note from a parent, and we’d be good to go. Together we outlined the additional courses I needed to take, including a night class at the city college. He warned me it would be a lot of work, but with focus, it was doable.
I did it. My intention had been set 3 years prior was actualized. I graduated one year early.
Mr. Goulet was not afraid to allow me to leave the bucket. He facilitated it. The other counselor was in the bucket. He did not see a way out for himself and could not know why I needed or wanted a way out.
Those who are in the bucket, do not understand the shackles they project upon another. They themselves cannot see the horizon, to them it does not exist.
Our convictions must be doubly strong if we find ourselves within a bucket of crabs. Experience comes from stepping outside of what is comfortable. Success comes from following our intentions. Both of these require courage to take the first steps, then stamina to keep going, and not taking “no” for an answer.
My desire to succeed overrode the naysayer counselor. Hearing “no” was not feasible for the outcome I could visualize. I questioned the counselor/ student relationship when I realized the counselor could not see who I was.
All that was needed to change the course I was on was to see the open door across the hallway and step through it.
Crabs, unfortunately, do not have a choice about being in the bucket. But as humans, we do. Letting go of limitations self-imposed or set by others and climb out of our comfort zone is a good start.
When we embrace the unknown to take the path less traveled, you may be surprised to see what doors open before you.
Even if you Don’t Know… Give it a Go. ~Sir Ken Robinson~
We can not always choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it. ~unknown
