‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.  ~Rumi

With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, romance is at the forefront of many minds.

Whether we find ourselves in a place feeling like it is now or never, or we aren’t looking but hoping it will just happen, we may lose sight of the signs that are either pointing us to or away from that perfect someone.

When looking for that special connection, we may mistake the rush of intense feelings, arousal, and excitement for true love. Don’t get me wrong; passion is integral to a relationship, but not necessarily a foundation to build on.

That rush is often the beginning, middle, and ultimately the end. While we search for that falling in love feeling, again and again, we come to realize the rush is not real love.

Instead, if we look at love with a new set of eyes, we may come to understand seeking the slow-burning embers of a calm, deep, and peaceful intimacy is what we desire.

Regardless if we want the rush and like to chase the spark of falling in love, or we are looking for the slow embers to burn intensely, we can move forward into our chance for romance by reading the clues.

The signs are always there; we just may not be seeing them accurately.

Red flags

  • Something in your gut knows this is not the one, but you override the feeling.
  •  You need to justify who he/she is to your friends.
  • What they say doesn’t add up.
  • You only see them late at night.
  • You never seem to be the priority, more of an I’ll fit you in if I can plan.
  • They don’t want to go out, only hang at your place.
  •  You’ve never been to their place.
  •  They don’t have friends, or at least you’ve never met them.
  •  They don’t like your pets.
  • They put you down or make you feel less to make themselves feel more.
  • They try to control your life.
  • You feel like you are walking on eggshells when they are near.

Yellow Flags

  • Their integrity is questionable.
  • They are unhygienic.
  • They have unresolved relationships with ex’s, family, friends, or kids.
  • They pass the buck to you to make all the decisions.
  • You don’t like the way they smell or taste.
  • They are closet a smoker, do drugs or drink more than they say they do.
  • They are always asking to borrow money because they ‘forgot’ their wallet or they haven’t been paid.
  •  You always have to drive.
  • You do more for the relationship than they do.

Green Flags

  •   You communicate, free of judgment, and you feel as if you can say anything to them.
  • They support you emotionally and have your back. They would never embarrass you in public, divulge a secret, or make you look like a fool. Rather than put you down, they toot your horn for you.
  • You have a healthy sexual relationship. You can be open about what you like and don’t like, or what you want to ‘try’ without any weirdness
  • They want to be the best person possible in your eyes, and you feel compelled to be your best self too.
  • They like your pets.
  • You look forward to seeing them and don’t feel dread with the idea they will be over soon.
  • They have empathy for you when something is wrong and try to understand, even during an argument.
  • They understand the importance of alone time and don’t infringe on yours and are comfortable taking their own.
  • You are a priority. They make time to see you, show up when they say they will and follow through with future plans.
  • They fight honestly: They don’t bring up the past and are committed to resolving the argument without ‘winning’ or making you feel ‘wrong’.
  • They treat everyone with respect, which includes the waiter or anyone who is being of service.
  • Silence is golden. You never feel the need to fill the silence. It feels good to be together.
  • They have a life outside of your life together. They have friends, hobbies, passions, and family. You may or may not have the same passions, and it is ok.
  • They take responsibility when they’ve screwed up. They don’t pass the buck or play the victim that something happened out of their control.
  • You find humor in many of the same things.
  • They want to introduce you to their friends and family.
  • You trust them and feel safe around them.

Letting go of the fairy tale idea of falling in love may be the key to finding a long and lasting relationship.  If we think of landing in love, instead of falling in love, we have the opportunity for true love. Because love is love.

Happy Landings to all!