It took me years to grasp the concept of ‘No expectations, No disappointments.’
Aren’t expectations a good thing? Isn’t the fulfillment of expectations something that makes us happy? Expectations are everywhere. Parents frequently pin their dreams upon us, expecting us to be something, perhaps more than they were.
Teachers place the bar high, with expectations we will reach it. We set expectations for ourselves and our friends to be a certain way or do certain things. Sometimes our expectations are realistic, and sometimes they are not.
And when they are not, we become disappointed when the expectation is broken. What we believed to be real has now proven to be wrong.
The definition of an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen. An idea that someone will or should achieve something is a belief that something is true and real.
Expecting something to happen is not in itself incorrect. However, without taking the steps towards fulfilling the outcome, it can be just wishful thinking.
My car starts because I take care of its mechanical needs. I have a good expectation that it will run well. If I had not taken steps to fulfill the expectation, I would be hoping with fingers crossed each time I turned the key if I had not kept up the maintenance.
Even if we take steps towards fulfilling an expectation, the changing circumstance can alter the outcome. Often those are out of our control.
I have worked diligently to train my dog. I have a solid expectation she will obey a command. However, her thoughts may, on occasion, override my commands. A rabbit crosses her path… and while 99% of the time she will come, even with a rabbit hopping by, something can change in her brain. For 1% of the time, she ignores me. Or she becomes temporarily deaf.
Do I have a tinge of disappointment when she ignores my command? Yes, of course, for a split second, until my brain understands my expectation of her to be perfect 100% of the time, 24/7 is unrealistic.
No expectations, No disappointments is not about never expecting things. It is about finding flexibility within what we believed to be right or true when circumstances change. Disappointments occur when we have labeled our expectations as unchangeable.
Once I understood that my expectations were only beliefs and not written in stone, my disappointments lessened. Becoming flexible when the course alters allows me to be less reactive when things do not go as planned.
Outcomes change when circumstances change.
Occasionally l still find myself caught up in the world of expectations. When disappointments surface, I remind myself that I have no control over others’ actions, just my response to them.
Then I Let Go of what I thought would be and step into the now of what is.
Expectations are not failsafe. Be Flexible. You’ll be ok.
