“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

~ Dalai Lama

Communication is about transferring information.  So, when I recently saw a post that said, “I suffer from a disorder when I speak the truth, it pisses people off.”  I paused and reread it several times.

The person writing it missed a crucial element in communication; being confrontational rarely leads to being heard.

From the commentary on the post, the desire to speak the truth overshadowed any desire to communicate. They did not seem to care if their truth landed, only that they said it. Many factors contribute to why some communicate more effectively than others.

As a casting director, I had to speak to each actor in a way they could understand – often with very little time. Everyone is different, and yet common threads exist. The key is finding one. Articulating the scene’s needs with a wide variety of people and personalities is crucial to the outcome of the audition.

Knowing something personal about the person I am speaking with can help by drawing on that knowledge; mostly, though, I use universal situations that most can relate to. For instance, ” You know the feeling when you are stuck in traffic, and you are running late? That’s this character.

Life is similar. We are given direction; it is up to us to put it into action.

Most of us have had a teacher, a coach, or heard a speaker who moves us. This is proof that communication is a skill, not a mystery.

Without an audience to speak with, whether it is one or many, we are just reciting words. The good news is that becoming a more effective communicator is a skill that can be learned. It begins with the desire to be heard, with clarity about what we wish to say, and with speaking in a voice and manner that are understood.

How is this accomplished?

1. Listen. Ask questions and hear feedback. It’s the simplest way to confirm your message landed.

2. Get Personal: Find what is relatable. It’s not about depth – it’s about relevance.

3. Simplify. Cut to the chase—simple, concise messages. Use fewer words to convey the broader message. Have respect for others’ time and attention levels. Less is more.

4. Timing is everything. Receptivity is an energetic state, not just a moment

5. Repeat. Not to patronize, but to clarify. A new angle can open a closed door.

To be understood, we must let go of the idea that speaking our truth at all costs is more important than communicating. If we ask ourselves why we are speaking _ and choose words that can actually be heard, then blah blah blah won’t be what passes through someone’s mind. Instead, the essence of our truth is heard.

Communication is not about convincing others, although that may happen. It’s about speaking consciously, kindly, and in a manner that can be received.

 Communicating is a two-way street; otherwise, it is just talking out loud.